The sound of a broken heart

It's a bit difficult to describe my situation right now, I mean, some things have changed and yet some have been stalled for quite some time. We have been separated since January this year, tried to reconcile once for the sake of the children and perhaps also because I didn't want to let go.

Or maybe also, it's true what they say, absence makes your heart grows fonder. I actually missed him at times. But we fought again right after and he seemed to behave exactly the way I remember, hence reminded me of why we got separated.

And this year, I spent my raya, not just without him but also without my two kids. He came to pick them up to spend time before raya, and happily informed me two days before raya that he's keeping them for raya too!How's that?

Anyways- I'm just glad I got them back on the second day and we had fun! So now the question is, when am I making it official? How would my life be after that? Over and over again I have been trying to convince myself that I'd be fine with my kids and my job. Would I?