Doc's appointment tonite!

Scary.. I'll have to face my biggest fear for the time being- the weighing scale... I don't think I have been every disciplined...So let us all pray that tonite the weighing scale will be kind to me..

A tribute to Heath Ledger..

And, you didn't even get to meet me... but for what it's worth- I think you are the hunkiest Australian after Mel Gibson that is..that ever stole my heart...

10 things I hate about you

I hate the way you talk to me,

and the way you cut your hair.

I hate the way you drive my car,

I hate it when you stare.

I hate your big dumb combat boots and the way you read my mind.

I hate you so much it makes me sick,

it even makes me rhyme.

I hate the way you’re always right,

I hate it when you lie.

I hate it when you make me laugh,

even worse when you make me cry.

I hate it when you’re not around,

and the fact that you didn’t call.

But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you, not even close…

not even a little bit… not even at all.

Deep Shit..

My next visit to my doctor would be next week on the 22nd! Gosh, how time flies.. I still haven't even started my moderate eating regime! My biggest fear now is the weighing scale..I find it so hard to not binge or eat sinful food when it's always there haunting me.
For instance yesterday, I ate 4 pieces of white bread with peanut butter. So I thought that would last me til lunch. Then, somewhere along the way- my colleagues offered me chocolate brownie with cherry on top (n cherries are meant to be eaten!), egg sandwiches and pastries! I had to taste them all! It's ridiculous not too because it's there and nobody seemed to be eating it.. and that was at about 11 or so. At lunch I ate bihun curry! Came back to the office, Darlina brought chocolates from Swiss. When I went back home, there was prawn sambal and chicken fried with curry leaves.. and fried chicken I'm afraid is also my weakness. HOOOOOOOWWWWW?????????!!!! I so want this to work- I cannot put on more weight than before but it's so hard when I am constantly in hunger.. like right now! Mind you.. I have eaten two piece of white bread with peanut butter and a piece of nugget before I came to work..and that was only 2 hours ago.......

@ 29 weeks

How your baby's growing:Your baby now weighs about 2 1/2 pounds (like a butternut squash) and is a tad over 15 inches long from head to heel. His muscles and lungs are continuing to mature, and his head is growing bigger to make room for his developing brain. To meet his increasing nutritional demands, you'll need plenty of protein, vitamins C, folic acid, and iron. And because his bones are soaking up lots of calcium, be sure to drink your milk (or find another good source of calcium, such as cheese, yogurt, or enriched orange juice). This trimester, about 250 milligrams of calcium are deposited in your baby's hardening skeleton each day.Note: Every baby develops a little differently — even in the womb. Our information is designed to give you a general idea of your baby's development.
How your life's changing:Your baby's very active now. Your practitioner may ask you to spend some time each day counting kicks and will give you specific instructions on how to do this. Let her know if you ever notice a decrease in activity. You may need a nonstress test or biophysical profile to check on your baby's condition.Some old friends — heartburn and constipation — may take center stage now. The pregnancy hormone progesterone relaxes smooth muscle tissue throughout your body, including your gastrointestinal tract. This relaxation, coupled with the crowding in your abdomen, slows digestion, which in turn can cause gas and heartburn — especially after a big meal — and contribute to constipation as well.Your growing uterus may also be contributing to hemorrhoids. These swollen blood vessels in your rectal area are common during pregnancy and usually clear up in the weeks after giving birth. If they're itchy or painful, try soaking in a sitz bath or applying cold compresses medicated with witch hazel to the affected area. Also avoid sitting or standing for long stretches. Talk with your practitioner before using any over-the counter remedies during pregnancy, and let her know if you have any rectal bleeding. To prevent constipation, eat a high-fiber diet, drink plenty of water, and get some regular exercise.Some women get something called "supine hypotensive syndrome" during pregnancy, where laying flat on your back causes a change in heart rate and blood pressure that makes you feel dizzy until you change position. You might note that you feel lightheaded if you stand up too quickly, too. To avoid "the spins" lie on your side rather than your back, and move slowly as you go from lying down to sitting and then standing.

When lights start to dim..

It's hard when you try so hard to have a better life but deep down you feel like everything is so screwed up that there's no fixing to it. I have made so many bad choices in life and now it has started to haunt me. Will this never end? How long will I have to keep facing the ghosts from my past? I'm tired but I know I have to go on.. I have kids to think about. Which sometimes make me think whether having them was a mistake too. Don't get me wrong.. I love Dany to bits, and this lil unborn child inside of me.. but I have brought them in this world with an uncertain future. Every day, I fear that I my wrong turnings in life would affect them. And desperately I would pray to God to give show me the light at the end of the tunnel.. but at times like this..I sometimes feel that it's getting dimmer and dimmer. I feel like being being on top of the tallest building- looking down feel much more comforting that brazing the wind that keep gushing towards me. Somehow falling seems much easier.

7 months preggie (28 weeks)

Weight: 62


Emotion: Tired








Gosh, I went for my check up last Tuesday nite, and this time around no more expensive Dr Raman. It's about time to move on to much affordable clinic (don't ask y- it was the same routine with Dany so, u know- it should also be the same this time.. I know- me<-- weird). So we went to Hospital Bersalin Razif, also like what we did the last time but this time around for the first time, I met Dato' himself. Didn't expect him to look that young cos I met Datin before, anyways.. despite whaterve horrow stories I have heard about this hospital, this is the most reasonable amount to my wallet- Plus, I do like the look of it- it's new and well, my mom delivered there before and everything turned out ok. I pray to Almighty God that everything will turn out the best for the baby. Speaking of that, Doc said I need to start watching what I eat before I ballooned up like before. I am to avoid reaching to the same weight as Dany if I want it to be a normal delivery. Approximately 1 kg weight gain a month... Apparently if the baby gets as big as Dany before, which was 3.7- they will definitely have to cut me open- no more induction for me.. Any form of complications, delay etc- the answer would be a C- section. And I really really want a anormal delivery. No 1, because- I know I can do this- heck my mom did it with all seven of us, and lemme tell you, we were all 3 something and above. No.2, it's so much affordable. So apart from that horrible news about me dieting, the baby is doing just fine- not bridging, and still is a boy, for the scrotums were very clear, well not to our eyes, but to Doc of course. He's about 1kg now and frankly speaking, he's moving far too often than Dany. I can feel his legs kicking and poking. And the state that I am right now- I feel like I am 10 months pregnant already! I pant easily! When I eat, walk, talk, sit- I'd be panting like some porn star after vigorous sex action.. ok I exaggerated but still.. I don't think I was like this with Dany. I'm only 7 months pregnant and I'm already having back pain and walking like a big giant elephant! I should be complaining cos, at least the morning sickness has stopped- now as it gets closer closer and closer I should be more worried of my savings for this delivery- which at this point of time is NIL! Inhale..exhale......